Easy Jet has sold its soul

I have not had a proper rant for a while, and its not like i look for something to rant about, but i must say i was pretty pee'd of on a flight up to Edinburgh from Stansted the other day.

Let me set the scene: arrive at Stansted in decent time despite missing my first bus to get there from Leigh on sea, was the last plane so it was fairly quiet in going through security which is always good, as i cant stand the security checkpoint.
Not the aspect of security mind you but rather that we are all herded in like sheep, and made to weave in and out of endless line just to slow us all down.

So through security to be immediately presented with a barrage of sales staff, i don't even have the choice to walk around the shop, you have to walk through the shops selling whisky, cigarettes etc.

Negotiated the shops only stopping to buy a paper and some overpriced water, next hurdle was to wait for the monitor to tell me to head to my gate where i would have a 30 minute wait before boarding, not this time, board at gate 84 pops up on the screen, so as a obedient sheep i head to gate 84 (baa baa), as i get closer i notice a line, which reminded me of a queue at a local supermarket, near a bolema recovery centre, offering free sick bags with every purchase of a bar of chocolate.

On the plasma screen was a message saying final boarding call for gate 84 and 85, i look down the queue and see that there is no staff to be seen, so i am not sure how they expect us to board without anyone to confirm our identity.

Ok manage to get on the plane and finally to a seat, and somehow managed to get my bag directly above me despite being the last one on the plane, and as a wee side point sitting just behind and opposite a pretty fit bird so at least i would have decent view for the flight.

First things first safety briefing, we have all sat for this before and no one really pays attention, and lets be honest if the plane goes down your dead end off, so we have a rather dull safety briefing and i reckon we must of had the two oldest air stewards on the planet, one got slightly rattled when some young girls started talking a bit to loud for her so she stopped the briefing and approached them, and asked them to suspend their conversation for the time being, slightly over the top for me i thought.

Right thats over, so now i can sit back and try not to think how many ways the plane can blow up, no chance, after the take off first things first, a announcement, would you like to buy a paper or magazine £1 and £2 respectively, we will be coming through the cabin shortly, ok not to bad so far.
Now before she has got the end of the cabin another announcement, we will be coming through the cabin with a selection of sweets, crisps, sandwiches and tea's, coffees all for purchase, we can take, visa, american express, and cash right fair enough you gotta eat even though it is only a 45minute flight.

So food trolley heading though cabin, which seemed to run out of sandwiches after the first 3 rows of seats, as they take trolley back another announcement, we will calling through the cabin to take your orders, for any of our inflight offers, perfume, toys and gadgets as can be found in our in-flight magazine , starting to get a little annoyed now, just shut your pie hole, i am nervous flyer.
Now we have some old dear walking through the cabin just short of shouting, "in-flight purchases", so now we are a good bit through flight and i cant wait to get of this money making train ( i know its a plane ), what could possibly happen now.

"Ladies and gentlemen, do you like to see starving children suffer pain and die, easy jet have teamed up with unicef to eradicate suffering and pain for children, you can help by donating as we come through the cabin", they did run through a lot statistics about children's ages, and how many die every minute, and how easy jet is leading the charge to stop this.

Here comes the old dear with her plastic see through begging bag, waving it in front of peoples faces, "donations for starving children", i will be honest it was not that i was annoyed here but it was making me feel slightly uncomfortable now, but i suppose that's the idea.

Thank god we are taxiing its over, not yet, as we are taxiing in, slower than ever, of course we are reminded that we must not use our mobile phones (as the plane will blow up of course), then we subjected to the special offers that easy jet has so selflessly arranged, of course they wont get anything from the discount that we get from national car rental, if we mention easy jet, or the local coffee shop in the terminal.

I will be honest i was mentally exhausted from trying to defy the easy jet selling band wagon, but i did resist and my wallet is all the better for it.

Quick run for the door